Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize