Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
