I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
