i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
