Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
