My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize