There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
