it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
