I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
