Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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