I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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