His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
