god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
