Sponge bath it is.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
