She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
