I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
