soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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