Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
