Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
