i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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