So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
