can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
