You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize