he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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