But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No more Irish car bombs ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
