OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
