I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize