somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
