New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
