He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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