fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
