It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
