New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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