I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
