What did we do last night that was yellow?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
