I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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