Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
