So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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