You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
