Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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