They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
