Soap is not a condiment
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
