Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
