I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
