I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
