There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
