So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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