6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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