why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
