it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize