It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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