i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
