I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
