i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
