I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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