So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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