i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
