this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize