Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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