i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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