There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
