i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
