judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
