Someone shit on the floor
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
