Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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