Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
