Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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