We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
