forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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