my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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