how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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