there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
